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January 21, 2008

Your Pal Randy on Cloverfield

Dudes, there are spoilers.

I don't know a lot. I've never been good at math, and to tell you the truth, I can't spell to save my life. But I do know one thing. If one of those parasites falls off the back of a huge thing that is fucking up a city, and it bites you. You are going to pop like a fucking tick.

There are many reasons why Cloverfield fucking rules. And I know that during the film you might have wanted to yell," hold the camera still for three seconds please", I know me too, but then, the city started to land all over you and you started to run down the street screaming.

Ok, here goes.

Why did the Monster go to New York City? Where did It come from? Was it a scientific experiment?

who the fuck cares?

Nobody, when you are running down the street about to get fucked up.

I loved Jurassic Park, but that DNA shit, got everyone and their mothers trying to come up with some stupid logical reasons why their monster was there. It got to the point where you would have some stupid blonde at a computer terminal spitting out lines that sounded like she was reading a Star Trek script.

Here's the deal kids. Run. That is all you need to know. And by the way, we don’t care if you hide under a bridge and love your girlfriend.

When it comes to creature effects, Tippett Studio is like one of those Frazetta paintings of Conan. The ones where there is a pile of people in pain looking up at the sky saying 'Oh Shit!" And Conan is flying over everybody about to deliver the goods.

That shit in the subway, out standing.

You people at Tippett, if you read this, go get yourself a drink at lunch, and make it a double. Because that shit was great!

And I hope all of the fat dudes with ponytails who left the theaters saying stuff like " well they didn’t explain why… beep borp dorp!" get hit by a bus

your pal Randy


Posted by dschnee at January 21, 2008 10:44 AM